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updated May 18, 2012 Got gripe? Conflicts of interest
how to talk pirate gems of Araby to ya |
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Actornews.com used to be a repository for bogus acting opportunities, now it's just an advertising holding tank for "Studio Center Total Productions," held by MediaVision across the border where Capone used to get his molasses. When ya have to dig that deep, ya usually don't find gold doubloons, lad. Studio Center (one of the sponsers) has an animation of a lawn mower mowing down flowers. What the fuck does that mean? Piracy Policy at bottom of page says it all. Jellyfish. I wish I could purchase the domain and put Tunarelli Web Reviews up there! |
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Google Chrome (browser) 3-13 update: after switching off with Firefox, Safari and a brief stint w/Opera (and the super-boring IE) Chrome seems to be working like a champ. I like the ease of cleaning up the browser data, the pull-down bookmarks and NO AUTO UPDATES (unlike Firefox). What I don't like is the pressure to link into Google's other products. But I caved like a blind sea rat. |
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| ConsumerReports.com Great magazine but aggressive telemarketing strategy and quick to send unpaid subscriptions (real or not) to collections. Just try and cancel a subscription— just try. The Tuna suggests you buy it at a newsstand and don't ever EVER send them anything. |  |
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Craigslist After several successful exchanges I gotta give Craig his due. Early on I decided to stay away from Ebay/PayPal and all their fees and, although I had to deal with some difficult landlubbers, I got my price with no help from you, Ebay Motors, ya mutts. |
• upload photos, • embed links |
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Dell Outlet (refurbished computers) I ordered a refurbished 22" monitor and am very happy with it. Nicely boxed, quick ship, good as new (and it is recycling, folks!). Dell recommends Windows® 7. I recommend a Mac (not a hat, mate!).
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laptops 'eh' |
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Discmakers CD and DVD duplication + This New Jersey-based company has the best money can buy: duplication, packaging and lots more. Best if you want a 1,000+, but they'll make you 500 or set you up w/your own duplicating equipment. Some day CDs and DVDs will go the way of sailing ships and then I dunna know what they'll do. |
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| DomainDiscover.com Cheesy on-your-own service. "Ultra Light" hosting plan is just that. Mechanical tech support only. |  |
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DriverGuide.com Takes about eight questionnaires to get you into this greedy site! With its "bookmark us" and "scan your computer" it's Big Brother recommended. Stay away from this phishing scum. With DriverOracle.com, DG earned a 4th fish because you can't get anything without paying $29.99 and who knows if they really have your driver?!? Advice? Go to the manufacturer's site for drivers and updates, not these ad-heavy leeches. Advice? Go to the manufacturer's site for drivers and updates, not these ad-heavy leeches. DG's new Blog: We Need Volunteers to Try our New DriverScan 2012! Royt!
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Ebay is the 12th biggest site on earth and a virtual on-line auction monopoly (sorry Craig). The 'bay is both a winner and a loser: If everything goes right, you're a winner. Get a deadbeat bidder or low-life seller and you can lose your mind. No phone support - my advice: check the "Site Map" at the bottom of the ebay screen. Ebay has made it so that sellers CANNOT give negative feedbacks to buyers. Buyers on the other hand... Ebay earned a 3rd stinky fish last year for their Final Value Fee rates (raised to 9%) AND THERE'S MORE! The fee also will be applied to the total amount of the shipping AND handling. THE MATH: A seller now has to Three ways to gag inducement (find the wind then choose your rail!). Their marketing bilge water? To "encourage and reward low-cost shipping." Argh...couldn't be the extra doubloons they'll be gettin', could it? Business as usual = Follow the money. I've sold about 250 items on the 'bay but may wrap it up and close my account. But it's addictive as hell, ain't it? eBay Inc. is located at 2145 Hamilton Avenue, San Jose, CA 95125 in case you want to soap their windows.
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FACEBOOK 's Saverin May Save $67 Million on U.S. Tax Bill Bloomberg I was spending too much time diddling around with this social media greed hog so I closed it. Been awash in productivity ever since! As a swab who follows the market, I'm stymied by the (so-called) value of their stock. As a pirate I be agog at how easily Zucker Suckers hand over their personal information to this squid. |
addictive |
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| FiOS (Fiber Optic Something-or-other) Lots of bang for the buck. Free hardware/ software AND installation included at this writing, but check first. This technology's speed is immediately apparent, but the infrastructure may not yet be in your area.
Caveats: Whenever I see a Verizon truck in the neighborhood I save my work and shut down, just in case! Also, the fiber optic becomes copper (coaxial) when it comes to your house, so maybe the Europeans are doing it better! Phone tech support, after working your way through the automatic barf-inducing recording, is good. I still let my dog chase Comcast people away from my door trying to get me to come back (only satisfying transaction I had with "Concast" was when they closed my account - they were very business-like). |
not cheap |
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| Firefox (browser) Anything but IE is usually better. I give it one dead fish because I don't like the auto updates—give me a choice and don't use up my time without asking! Slower than Chrome.
Last time I opened the 'Fox this came up:
Thanks, but I didn't ask for an update! See Big Brother. |
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Guitar Center (Rockville, MD) Guitars and MORE! More vagabonds and liars than I would throw a bucketful of chum at the Center of Guitars and deceit! Double skull to ya fer takin' advantage of lowly musicians and over-the-hill business owners! Sold me an item a few years back that was completely useless to me. Fool me once... Latest diddle: Upon a telephone inquiry, the sales associate or whatever sayeth: "Uh..." (he was scheming, the bilge rat); then offered a "floor model" of the popular microphone because they were "out of stock"; upped the price by $70 ($299 instead of the published $229); and offered to ship it when purchased on-line. "Why should I,..." says I, "...buy a "floor model" that's been sitting out collecting dust and fly scat for $299 instead of the published $229." The last I heard on the blower from this blow-hard was "but, uh, uh...two twenty nine, that's right..." If you're a regular customer (young, long-haired musician w/smelly underarms) they probably won't try to diddle you. If they think they've found a mark, argh, find the wind and choose your rail, 'cause they'll mark ya, ma green landlubber. I am not alone in my chagrine of this place. I've heard from musicians and v-o people alike to stear clear of this garbage heap. Like Vistaprint, they'll fool some people some of the time and the rest won't know. Save you, my fine readers. Advice from an old salt: If you're local, buy from Chuck Levin's (get an exact price quote) or get it on-line used on Craigslist, eBay (yay, I know - what a hippo crate), or from a reputable on-line store such as Markertek. One more question for the guy I talked to 11 August in the year of our Lord 2011: Pistols at dawn, ya sc_m? (It's a family site, folks).
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GoDaddy.com (web hosting co.) Hold onto your tricorns, 'cause this jester makes the hair on me nose itch! Earned the coveted Skull Award late last year. Why? My client and I tried to switch his GoDaddy-hosted site to a competitor and they held up the process for so long it that it went out to the marketplace (current value: $5,000). Thanks Daddy. I smell a class action suit coming your way. Anybody? GoAwayDaddy! The builder has a cool point and click system (blunderbuss to my head sort of click..?) and with his toss-my-cookies-inducing "16 Rules for Propelling Me from Humble Youth to [blowhard and misogynist] Founder of GoDaddy.com" really tests my patience. Phone support 24/7 - yeah, but it's LONG DISTANCE. ARGH. Go starboard, there's another wind a blowin'... Caveat emptor It's not listed as an option on GoDaddy's "Website Tonight" add-ons but is automatically applied to your bill and you have to (try and) take it off yourself, usually after paying for it. Clever, huh?
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Host Monster/hostmonster.com is an appropriately-named Utah-based company with juvenile ideas of running a hosting company. Terrible "control panel," web mail. Postini "Email Filtering Service" quality is second to one (see: zero). Server serves up LOTS OF SPAM E-MAIL. Host Monster only gets 3 stinky fish because they're not as big as 'Daddy.
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Kickstarter/aka Field of Broken Dreams.
For those bright-eyed landlubbers who "win" Amazon (sorry) Kickstarter takes a cut. They win no matter what. I love America. Virtually no technical support and certainly no phone support.
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for greed |
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| LD remanufactured ink cartridges Did they work? Not for me! 11-4-11: They're still sending me spam! |
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| Microsoft Internet Explorer 8 (browser) is still ugly, slow, and a lovely portal for hacker's mischief. I cringe whenever I put this worm back on the line (must use it to test web sites but grudgingly, mate, grudgingly).
Cheeky: When I surf with IE and as it slows down when it comes across functions and plug-ins from sites that it can't/won't read properly, they label as an error. Your error, mate, not theirs! I don't give MSIE the full 4 fish because Bill and Melinda Gates may find the cure for malaria. |
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| Microsoft Outlook has exceptional "rules" for filtering unwanted e-mail, but tedious exporting of files. Archiving of files is semi-effective. Setting up e-mail accounts can be difficult if there are problems (you can always get your mail from another e-mail server web mail). Calendar/ reminder is good. Watch out for product tie-ins when upgrading any Office product. | |
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| Nero Suite SE/8 charges $1.25 for technical support when the software fails. Cheeky? Aye, matey! Somewhat clunky, also, so I'll throw another fish into the net, me bucko. | |
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nodevice.com well-named cutthroats.
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| Office Depot's management wires up the cashiers and floor people with Borg-like headsets so they can take calls while they work on re-stocking, taking inventory, shining shoes. Poor multi-tasking employees don't have time for customer service (or vacuuming the floor). Where's Norma Rae when you need her?
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Opera (web browser) Has its own audio player: don't have to wait for Windows Media Player or Real Player ad nauseam. Funny thing is, the more sounds you click on the more you hear: it will overlap all the sounds unless you refresh your screen. Caveat: it wants to communicate your profile back and forth on the internet and I don't like that. Sure would like to download these browsers to test my websites, but I don't trust the buggers!
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for PC users |
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PayPal Developed by Peter Thiel (who is now building rockets) the 'Pal is both a winner and a loser. If everything goes right, you're a winner. But just try to contact them. PayPal is owned by Ebay. Do I smell a monopoly here? If something bad happens on an auction and the other party wins, PP will automatically add $ to or more importantly take $ from your PP account. Resolution Services 888-221-1161. Call them and they'll send you into a virtual maze of no return. If they don't offer support why don't they just SAY SO?! Arghhh, matey! Walk the plank and eat seaweed, ya blighters! Try the number above first. |
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| PayPal Plus: Everybody wants to offer you a card so you can go bankrupt.
PayPal is really starting to get under me barnacles in a multitude of creative ways. PP Plus is a credit card administered by GE Money, a member of the shark family. Miss a payment to PutzPal Plus and they'll chum you to death—on your home telephone.
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| Pixel Pusher, The (printers - headshots, comp cards, postcards, ). Don't be scared off by their homemade website: These people rock the Casbah And, SURPRISE! They're honest. I shouldn't be telling you about them because I want them all to me self, matey. | |
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| Pro Sound & Stage Lighting (Yelp!) Read between the lines, swabbies. | |
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| Registry Mechanic Free=you get what you pay for. But it is highly rated by Softronic. Who is Softronic? What are drivers? | |
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| Apple Safari (browser) Recently removed fish because load time has increased in speed. Recommended for it's slick look. I've found more people are using it to go to my site, so I'm using it more, too! |
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Sears (whatever happened to Roebuck? George Carlin thinks they offed him and maybe they offed George, too) Their business model is sell, advertise and sell some more, but if you want parts and service, well.. My local Sears is a nightmare: They've reduced their staff, the place is a mess (like Crown Books used to be) and the customers cut in line! Arggh! Walk the plank, ya mutinous dogs!
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| suchavoice.com (see voplanet or voicecasting) After being bombarded with digital grape I came upon me prize, which was a FREE MOVIE about getting into blow-into-a-silver-pixie stick work (voice-over work, I here 'tis). So I gave him me name and me telephone number (what the blazes is a telephone, anyway?) and got in. Go see and judge for yourself. Even tho it's called... Go to :04:14 for some great "humiliation" of wet-behind-the-ears v-o victims. Dan piped that he would humiliate 'em, and by goom he did! But remember, when you finally find the studio, Vermont is landlocked and ya might find yourself trapped in a gauntlet. |
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| Torrent/BitTorrent/Pirate Bay Ya wanna play with sharks, lad, then jump in. My humble counsel? Avoid 'em like the pox they are. | |
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| Trend Micro is a pretty good product but aggressive internet "auto renew." If you have FIOS, they recommend Norton. | |
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| Tunarelli Sound & Design Never heard of 'em. Be they a fishing boat? I give 'em a half fish for totin' a balmy name. | |
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Verizon Wireless Store Normally any store in Cleveland Park (D.C.) would be at least somewhat legit. The Verizon Store across and over from the Uptown Theatre (yeah, I'm naming names) is a pirate cove of the low seas. Each employee in the store is required to service what appears to be three customers at a time, which helps no one; makes promises they know they can't keep; and give you rebates that expire in a matter of days (oh, and they don't tell you how to send it in - they're onto the next chump in line already). As Reb Tevye might say, "they should have set a match to this place years ago."
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Vistaprint. How many times have we seen that ad for "100 Free Business Cards" or "250 Free Business Cards"? Besides all the lying, cheating and baiting-and-switching, Vistaprint Netherlands B.V. (makes me ashamed to be Dutch) had the audacity to write their own "Online Printing Review Forum: Experiences and Reviews of Online Printing Services" and then post a Vistaprint ad right on the site! (see Registry Mechanic). Negative posts are taken off and "...flagged as spam." Are all these clowns Vistaprint employees on the take? Methinks this Vista is full of smoke and mirrors. Here's a fun group of complainers. And another. And another. Okey dokey, one more: Business card from hell (ID theft?). As one of our clients Tara Garwood said, "It seems that VistaPrint is smart enough to only scam a small percentage of their customers, so you may never be one of the people who it happens to." Caveat emptor, lads. |
Don't get diddled by this den of thieves |
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VOplanet.com aka suchavoice.com aka FORGOTtheirname.com. What difference does it make? They're all hiding under the same coral reef. The axis power has cleaned up their financial woes, at least for professional v-o people, howere... Another on-line "service" taking advantage of fame-hungry v-o wannabe's. The 'planet charges a lot of money to join and then accomplishes very little for you after that (unless you are already an established V-O talent and do the foot work you would do anyway). Some wench with vitamin C deficiency called me from VOP and told me I was full of it. Haven't convinced me yet of that indiscretion! Love to travel? It's Free! to become a "Voice Over Seeker Member" but go a little deeper and they drop the nuclear bomb on ya:
for Lawyers and others who can read small print
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Webs Inc. or webs or webs.com is owned by Vistaprint. Looks to me like it's nothing other than a bait-and-switch to lure ya over like a dumb tuna to its mothership, Vistaprint Netherlands (see Vistaprint) for "200 Free Business Cards." These swabs were dumb enough to sell Manhattan Island to the English, so... grain of salt and a slice of lemon, lad.
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yelp.com When I signed up with these yawhooz to post a review, it opened up a Pandora's box of bat scat (e-mail posts). That wave has since receded. But... Take 'em with a spoon 'a salt and note recipients of bad reviews posting bogus good ones - look and you'll see. |
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Zazzle.com They left out the razzle and the dazzle and got Zazzle. Winning operating scheme for the company, as they give very little commission for sales of your designs. Zazzle also makes it nearly impossible to collect what little sales commission (usually 10%) you make on your designs. Last time I ordered a custom t-shirt, they had used an iron-on transfer instead of anything that resembled silkscreen Related: Mind Wings Audio, which pays authors what amounts to a few bucks for a short story. If I'm wrong, I'll eat seagull. Better than Vistaprint (ya figgered I don't take kindly to Vistaprint?)
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| got grudge? | ||
What are Drivers? Drivers are "mini" software programs that allow Windows to interact with a hardware device or other software programs. Drivers ensure that any hardware that you connect to your computer such as a video card or a web cam work properly. What Causes Driver-Related Problems? >Drivers can also become outdated through Windows updates and service pack upgrades.< So take ya auto updates off for Jack Sparrow's sake! What Problems Can Corrupt Drivers Cause? How do you fix driver problems? | ||
